Strong Woman Days,
When you’ve been walking the floor for hours, your shoulders aching with tension… feeling your body begin to shut down… and still you walk on.
head stuffy and pounding from a cold, muscles aching and you still manage to entertain the children, fold 3 loads of washing, mediate childish conflict and tantrums, navigate the supermarket diffusing the “I want’s and can we have’s?”
Unpack the car with screaming babe in arms carrying as much as you can in one go… at least the cold items.
You put the groceries down on the kitchen floor and are immediately met with a chorus of, “We’re hungry!”
oh yea, Baby is still screaming…
Pick up baby, attempt to make lunches one handed.
You laugh at yourself at how ridiculously ‘unco’ this whole situation is.
Palm baby off to big sister so you can finish preparing the lunches, after 5 min of baby crying loudly, big sister freaks out and say’s she can’t handle it anymore.
You smile, take bub from her arms and say thank you.
5:30pm- witching hour!
Prepare a last minute dinner whilst caring for a newborn who is exceptionally grizzly, hasn’t slept much today and only wants to be held and boob most of the time.
After 3hrs you finally settle baby, put her down, manage to go to the toilet before you hear her cries again, you sit on the loo… tears are now flooding your eyes and cascading down your face… you just want a moment reprieve, so you stay there.
The only place you can find solace away from everyone when it all feels shit… is on the shitter…
unless of course there’s a toddler around… because nowhere is sacred
Baby still crying.. you hope her father will get up to soother her…
so you wait for a moment… crying your exhausted heart out… Baby’s cries get louder and louder… and are more important than yours.
Get yourself together woman…
You realise it’s all on your shoulders again… you pick her up and start walking… trying different positions to settle her. Your nose is dripping by this stage, and just as you feel her body relax you sneeze, or have to blow your nose and she startles and wakes again…
wash, rinse, repeat
You are both so exhausted.
You feel like your reserve tank is nearing empty and it leaves you wondering how the fuck we manage to get the short end of the stick?
Through pregnancy, birth, post-partum. as a cocktail of hormones courses through your body… picking up the bulk of domestic and emotional labour, all the managing of who’s got what on when and how etc.
Everyone in the house is asleep except you, cos you’re totally wired now… that trusty second, third, fourth wind has kicked in…
It takes a village to support a mother
I’m not complaining at all… just offering a glimpse into my world. Beyond what anyone perceives my life to be like. Yes I’m a powerhouse of a woman, but somedays hit me for a six.
Today is one of them…
Just having one of those days, they happen… and as fucked as they are, I am so grateful for them. I am grateful for being pushed to my limits and appreciating how strong I am to keep carrying on… despite illness, pain, fatigue, or emotions… I’m showing up as best I can.
I am grateful for the respect I have gained for my mother who did all of this, working 2 jobs with 4 kids in tow…
For all the mama’s out there, Stay at home, full time employed, solo, studying mamas.
We all know this is a full time gig!
I am grateful to see the areas in my life which are needing attention. By way of boundaries being set and where communication is needing to become clearer.
I’m sensitive sometimes.
And in these moments I just let my tears flow, and pop a few drops of Motherwort under my tongue…
Sometimes I feel like a seed, cracking my outer shell.
Sometimes painful and messy, but all necessary for learning and changing.
Tomorrow is another day. It may be a repeat, it may not be. One thing I have learnt over my almost 9 years of mothering is you never really get to “clock off’
This too shall pass…
It’s just one of those Strong Woman days