Feeling Vulnerable

By February 8, 2014Journey Work
"Nude Illusions" pencil on paper 2003

I’m feeling quite raw and emotionally vulnerable this evening. I feel displaced and discouraged, yet I cannot place where these feelings are coming from. I’m usually aware of where things are bubbling up from, but it seems that I am not meant to know. I don’t have any references ¬†at this point in time to analyse the uncomfortable and jittery feeling in my belly. My emotional centre is definitely processing. Just as you would waking up in a pitch black room, sometimes the best way to navigate… is to feel your way through.

The constant rain has provided the perfect reflective ambience… So I made a video blog! (posted at the bottom of this page) It was a challenge to “expose” myself in this light… to show you me… deep in process… Sometimes my mind can taunt me… twisting stories and perpetuating doubt like a fierce dragon- shielding me from the hidden treasures buried deep within the darkened depths of my potential. Doubt is such a big killer of dreams! I tend not to dance too long with this trickster… for it will seduce me into a downwards spiral- where I could easily lose my footing and step on too many toes in self-destruction. I know the game well enough to not fully engage in it’s enticing dialogue- for my words will spin in the circles it can dance around my head- weaving a web of confusion in its wake- steering me off course and trap me in a hall of mirrors so to speak! Think I’ll pass on that one!

Music is a saviour in this space… on tonights playlist is Sia’s album, “Colour the Small One.” So far it’s working it’s charm on helping me to tap into a clear space for these words to spill from my fingertips and on this keyboard…

tap tap tap…

Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. For me, it is an essential feeling that helps to anchor us into the physical plane. It cultivates our humanity and keeps us grounded. Keep us real! I find that sometimes, if you are too used to being “strong” that you have to actually give yourself permission to be vulnerable. This might not be an internal verbal thing… it might actually mean postponing other commitments to provide the space and setting you need to really strip back the layers, shed the tough skin. It serves no purpose to continually “push through” till you are calloused and sore, tired and weary… broken. When you feel that sense of uncertainty rise up- welcome it… embrace those ¬†insecure feelings of uncertainty… Most of the time I find when I just simply allow myself to feel it in its entirety… making no excuses or resistance… it will show me the medicine or the lesson and then pass through with grace and ease. Tonight I am being gentle with myself. As soon as the energy coursed through my body I let my husband know what I was feeling. I did this so he knew how to hold space for me, and not take my disengagement personally…

This year, my focus theme has been communication… as it is the root of most discord. Verbally communicating my vulnerability so quickly, has been a little break through for me. Usually I would just process it to a certain degree until I have found a pathway to be able to clearly articulate the emotions. Tonight, there are no words, and I am ok in expressing that I’m not sure where I’m at. I’m ok in this vulnerable space. I’m ok in not having the answers and am finding beauty in this softness of self… the bare and humble reality that I’m just a girl… on her journey… walking one step at a time… sometimes with conviction and confidence… other times with a tip toe and an awkward shuffle… all is well in this space… there is hope in the hopelessness… of finding a way through the thick of it and looking back with a smile.

About Donna Raymond

Sacred Feminine Mentor and Wise Wombman. Donna helps women connect with the potent energy of the Womb, claiming their sovereignty as an Authentic, Empowered Wise Wombman. Her work focuses on understanding the Archetypal energies of the Sacred Feminine, integrating the Shadow Self, Healing from Abuse and Trauma whilst letting go of Story.