A couple days ago I was on the phone to a dear sister.
Our conversation spanned the themes of home life, essential oils, crypto currency and AI technology, the future of humanity, ripple effects, cancer as an entity which has a consciousness of its own, holographic dimensions and healing.
Just the usual really.
What was interesting in that conversation was voicing my need for wild open spaces. To connect with areas of land with expansive skies where I can be consumed by stars on a clear night. I have identified that this is actually important for my mental health and my dreaming space.
Living in the rainforest is a beautiful experience of connection. Though I find myself wanting to move beyond the tree lines… wanting to soak up the dawn and dusk colour dances, but feeling constricted with my view.
There has been so much noise for me in the last couple months… especially online.
In this noise I retreated into what I thought was my stillness.
because Facecrack feels like an echo chamber some days.
I notice lots of nuances at play and I observe interactions with curiosity and fascination of the human psyche and relationships.
I was meant to launch my new course, “Bloom” at the start of the month, but I didn’t.
I was too cloudy.
Feeling all the feels.
I figured it was a subconscious fear at play… I was stalling for some reason. I was doubting what was coming through, and I couldn’t tap in because of all this external noise.
I felt tired and heavy in my body.
My knees have been buckled with a pressure I have not felt before.
I was feeling old and haggard- my body feeling as ancient as my heart.
Then I started bleeding and in the majickal intuitive state of flow, I realised why I was holding.
It was the noise… noise that I was brining into my visionary realms that was clouding my way. Encroaching on my mystical spaces.
Noise that was amplified because I was not voicing my Truth in the moment, because most days there is SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY… and I don’t know where to begin, where to start.
Would it be relevant?
Would it be valuable?
Would it serve others?
Would it be meaningful?
Would it serve me?
I was frustrated because I was WITHOLDING my gifts. My message… which most days I have no fucking clue as to what that is or what it even means because there is just SO MUCH INSIDE…
This is the pain of a multi-passionate creative.
I admit I get bored easily, but not really- I don’t ever truly feel bored per se, there is always something to occupy my imagination. Perhaps its not the best word to describe the way I feel, but it will do for now.
I get bored with my own “content” and I critically evaluate it to my own standards that, which lets face it, are the perils and ridiculousness of a perfectionist at play.
So my focus can become skewed sometimes if I’m not totally “feeling it”
In the case of recent experiences, I became distracted and overwhelmed by the future, because I really do think generationally and It is a fine line of trusting the beauty of the world that will be left in the hands of our future generations, and wanting to embrace my fierce wild warrior and fucking fight to protect it from being hijacked by political ideologies and corrupt corporations.
I know I am not alone in this. Sometimes the world feels like it has gone mad. As a mother I can’t help but be concerned about the future, and then I wonder about where my energy is best served.
Like, does it even matter?
Why are we here
What’s the point?
These thoughts permeate my empathic heart and whatever momentum I had created previously, all comes to an abrupt halt.
It can be intense and incredibly frustrating.
I can literally feel consumed, and it can feel like the dense jungle that is at the back of the property I live on, slowly starts to creep in.
Our environment is so influential to our mood.
So, Wild Open Spaces call me.
To nurture my courageous heart and energetic, creative Spirit.
To create breathing space for my Mind, Body and Soul.
To defragment the “stuff”
To let go of my woe’s and to shake of the stagnant stories that seem almost designed to armour my heart and I refuse to walk this Earth with my heart closed off.
So yes, I am realising the false perception of “noise” are my own fabrications, and it has been a way for me to identify the ways I continually silence myself.
Yes, there are threads from the emotional and psychological abuse I have experienced, and sometimes it’s so subtle that it runs parallel to my growth work and the ways the thoughts creep into to my mindset are so tricky and sneaky.
You will only find them if you start looking.
And I am an eternal seeker.
I want to find the shit that is not in alignment with my Soul and release it.
Life is to short to be bound to bullshit stories.
Time to move forward. Keep on taking a step. Doing the inner work.
Liberating ourselves from the confines we create to keep us safe and comfortable.
The thing is, we adapt so wonderfully to our environment (physical, mental and emotional) that sometimes we veer off our path of passion, purpose and pleasure, that we don’t even realise it because the changes have been so subtle along the way.
Our comfort zone is then the cage we have accepted and continually invest our future in. It’s what we know and trust.
Though it’s not always healthy.
When I begin to step back and question what I am doing, where I am going, etc I need that expansive sky to ease the mental and emotional load of processing.
It helps lighten the load.
So, I’m at that point now that I don’t even know what the point of this is, hahaha!
On that note I will wrap it up and trust that this message is received by those that need to hear it, whenever that may be.
Remember to access the wisdom within